Personal Testimony

    Lord, to Whom Shall We Go?

“What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul?” (Mark 8:36).
This question was branded on my soul in the fall of 2012 – I could no longer evade the Truth – I would return Home as the Prodigal Son.

On the surface, everything seemed fine. I had received a golf scholarship to a NCAA Division 1 school in California. Academics were easy, everything was paid for, and I got to play golf every single day! What more could I ask for, right?

The ups-and-downs of my golf career was plagued by the infamous “if-only syndrome.” If only I make the national team, I will be happy. If only I play college golf in California, I will be happy. If only I practice for another hour instead of Mass on Sunday, I will be happy. And so on.

After graduation, I came home and left the dreams of professional golf aside. Why? One simple reason – I was not happy. I had placed my hopes and dreams in something temporary – golf had become a god in my life. I was more agitated at missing a three-foot putt than at missing my place in Heaven; more concerned with my TaylorMade driver than with the state of my very own soul.

I was mad at God – I thought He had great plans for my future in professional golf. The elusive pursuit of fulfillment in life through a little white golf ball came to an end. As a result, I began to ask those serious life and death questions: Why am I here? What is my purpose in life? Where would I go if I died right now? Who really is Jesus Christ? If He really did die for my sins, isn’t this a big deal!?

The honest confrontation of death created a strange passion to seek for Truth. The “God-shaped hole” in my heart was exposed – the walls of worldly pleasures I had erected were torn down – the forfeited soul would be given a second chance. But, this quest for Truth would need Divine inspiration, so I managed the audacity to ask the question: “Alright God. I give up, what’s Your solution?”

“I know now, Lord, why You utter no answer. You are Yourself the answer. Before Your face questions die away. What other answer would suffice?” – CS Lewis

I had to return Home – the confessional would be my refuge – my restless heart found an eternal cure. Regret and shame would be superseded by grace and love; doubt and fear replaced by faith and hope. From the wonder of CS Lewis to the wit of GK Chesterton, I have found meaning in the Cross and friendship in Christ. From the readings of Fulton J Sheen to the radical lives of Saints throughout the ages, I have found a Mother in Mary, our Lord in the Eucharist, a narrow path to where I belong, and Truth in the Catholic Church.

Just as marriage can begin with a blind date, True Faith can start out as a wager. In prayer, I have heard the wager posed as the question: “Will you also go away?” I echo the words of Peter in reply, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.” (John 6:68).

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